Prologue
It began, for me, on the platform of London Bridge Tube station. Northbound, approximately twenty past eight in the morning. I can't remember if it was a Monday or not, and I suspect the cliche about Mondays being so awful was just created by employers to make you feel good about the rest of the week. Whatever day it was, the platform was packed. A mass of black-coated backs.
That's something you don't notice about commuting in London until you've been doing it long enough to raise your eyes from your trashy free newspaper and actually look at your hapless fellow commuters. Everyone wears dark colours. Even in summer, when their officewear might even be bright and gay, over the top they wear a dark jacket. In winter, it's even more pronounced. The platform in this case was entirely covered in black and grey coats. I could see hundreds, possibly thousands, of backs turned towards me. As though each of them was a desperately miserable message from its owner, saying: "See. See me, an intelligent, loved person. I am reduced to this. I am reduced to my animal instincts. I am so sad."
I wore a bright yellow hiking jacket.
It was that morning, standing behind the queues of sad commuters waiting for a train - no, waiting for dozens of trains, for that was how many would be needed to empty the platform of people - that I suddenly realised I was the sole speck of colour in the whole place. I almost blushed. Looking right and left, I could see more computers (commuters are, after all, just following a daily routine just as a computer does) rushing down the stairs and escalators into the hallway, as though those hurried steps would get them anywhere any faster, and they too were all in black and grey.
I was a bright spark of sunshine yellow, alone in my underground world of misery and despair, and I was afraid, probably without reason, that I was standing out. That, of course, is the fear of any London commuter. No-one wishes to stand out, to be the object of any kind of attention. Every single one of the millions who come into London every morning, and leave it every evening, wants to do it as quietly and unobtrusively as possible, as if perhaps doing so will make them feel like they are completely both journeys alone. Being noticed means you must acknowledge your own presence on the train to hell, and doing that forces you to acknowledge the presence of the 100 other people on the carriage around you.
It forces you to apologise to the woman whose bust you brushed past as you squeezed aboard, but there was no way around it because you had to duck under the be-newspapered arm of the City worker, pristine in his pin-stripe and obstinately standing in the doorway, arm aloft to hold on to one of the straps dangling from the ceiling. He couldn't move either, because the group of schoolchildren to his side were standing in a tight circle, quietly gossiping and breaking out into occasional cackles of delight. Theirs was the only human noise on the whole carriage, and you were glad of it because at least it disguised the deathly silence of all these people, all these human beings who were determined to stay quiet on a commuter train, because that's what everyone does. These same folk who would cheerfully become human again in a pub or even a McDonalds, could sit together, a hundred of them, and have not a single word to say.
It forces you to acknowledge that you are part of it, and that you hate yourself for being one of them.
That thought bounced around my brain as I waited near the platform. I couldn't get on the platform, because there were queues. London Bridge's Northern Line platforms are either side of a central hall, but instead of opening up the entire structure in the manner of modern station design on the Jubilee Line extension, the designers here had decided to make the place a homage to its past. They wanted the Underground to be more like ground. So they linked the central hallway to the platforms with a series of tiny, thin tunnels. Each one barely wide enough for two people to stand side-by-side.
With the platform completely full, and nowhere for anyone to go until the next train pulled in, queues had formed in these little tunnels. People stood there, silent, staring at the back of the person in front, possibly unaware of the millions of tonnes of soil and concrete curving over their heads above the tunnel roof. Behind them, in the hallway, the queues continued, losing their structural and moral integrity and becoming vague wanderings of newcomers, the pathetic finalists in this race for work. I considered the lucky ones at the front, the ones who must have arrived at London Bridge on overland trains from the south 10 minutes - 20? even 30? - before me. They must have stood at the very edge, their faces within centimetres of the side of the alleged train. One good push from here, at the back, could send them toppling, domino-style, onto the tracks.
In my bright yellow coat I shivered. A train pulled in, announcers told the crowd how to behave, and the queues shortened slightly. The train left, and the brief minute of activity gave way to the same endless, screaming silence there'd been before. Another train arrived soon afterward, and the cycle was repeated. Again, everyone moved forward. I found myself in the mouth of one of the little tunnels, and I gazed upward at its curved tiles. I looked around me, behind me, trying to see through the coat-covered forest with its shrubs of newspapers and paperbacks, its insect life of tsk-tsking personal stereos.
Something in my head clicked, turned, moved from one form to another.
I said, aloud, I think, but there was not enough surprised reaction from any of my fellow travellers for me to be sure: "That's it. I've had enough of this."
I turned, abandoned my place in the queue, walked past the living dead waiting for their trains, up the stairs to the exit.
This is the story of what happened next.
