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An interview with Belinda Carlisle

(A TV studio. The chat show host is in his usual chair, we're halfway through his show, and everyone's ready for the next guest.)

HOST: Ladies and gentlemen, it's our pleasure to bring to you today a lady whose achievements are hard to list, because they're so numerous. She's an actress, an author, and most memorably a pop star, perhaps best known for her global chart-topping song "Heaven is a place on Earth." Please welcome - Belinda Carlisle!

(Crowd goes wild. Belinda walks on stage, smiling and waving. She takes her seat and crosses her legs. She flashes another big smile at the crowd and they start applauding all over again.)

HOST: Belinda, thank you for coming on the show tonight.

BELINDA: S'ssssokay.

HOST: Now, you're best known for "Heaven is a place on Earth," what a huge song that was all over the world. Tell us what inspired you to write it?

BELINDA: Heav'n'lovesong.

HOST: I beg your pardon?

BELINDA: Heav'nsonglove. Relayship wro heav'nsong.

HOST: Riight. So what have you been up to since then?

BELINDA: Bee'ring. Bee'ringoverworl.

HOST: You've been what?

BELINDA: 'Overworl.

HOST: OK. Are we ever going to see a Go-Gos reunion, do you think?

BELINDA: Dowit.

HOST: Uh. Right. Yes. You've expressed strong views about Buddism, what draws you to it?

BELINDA: I-bracedit. Lifeallpiness.

HOST: I'm sorry?

BELINDA: Lifeallpiness.

HOST: Would you mind saying that slower?

BELINDA: Life-all-pi-ness.

HOST: I see. Look, Belinda, can I ask you a big favour? Just for the benefit of our viewers and the ladies and gentlemen in the audience tonight - would you mind saying a sentence of my choosing out loud for me?

BELINDA (Smiles): OK.

HOST: Excellent. Could you say: "The American way of living."?

BELINDA (Scowling): D'ave'to?

HOST: Well, you said you would. So, yes. Please. If you don't mind.

BELINDA (Sighs): Merri'nwayliv'in.

HOST: And again?

BELINDA: Merri'nwayliv'in.

HOST: I knew it. That explains everything. Thank you so much. Ladies and gentleman, give it up for Belinda Carlisle!!

(Crowd goes nuts. Belinda smiles and waves.)

HOST (Aside): Thanks so much for coming on.

BELINDA: Askthat'gain'kickyrnuts.

HOST: Yep. Gotcha.

(8th January 2013)