notes: October 2006

So many Simons

What do you call a group of Simons, especially in situations where they are all web developers?

Simons (a bit dull, if you ask me)
Simoni
Simonae (I rather like this one)

What the world needs is a collective noun for Simons. My colleagues suggest the following:

A genius of Simons (Simon suggested that one)
An earlobe of Simons (from Steve, based on the original Hebrew meaning of Simon, “he who hears”)
An audition of Simons (ditto)

And while we’re on the subject, how about collective nouns for web developers?

A tag of web developers
A <body> of web developers
A class of web developers (maybe better as a div?)

And this one, my favourite from searching Google for “A * of web developers”:

A frequent mistake of web developers

On second thoughts, that's better suited to journalists.

Labels: work

Monday, October 30, 2006
0 comments

Amazing bass, how sweet the sound

The Boyan Ensemble of Kiev came to sing in our town last night, and Kate and I went along to listen to them.

The programme started with the most spine-tingling moment I’ve witnessed on stage for some time; a falsetto soloist’s voice pierced the semi-darkness (at this point the stage was lit by little more than a few candles) while the ear-poppingly deep basses boomed and haroomed in the background. I’ve never heard a true falsetto live on stage before, quite an experience.

The rest of the first half was sombre, classical pieces, full of atmosphere. The audience was almost too hypnotised to applaud; no-one wanted to disturb the mood.

After a break, the choir returned to the stage in Ukrainian national costume and zipped through a series of folk songs. This was much more jaunty, more informal and relaxed. The conductors and singers were really getting into it and having fun. One highlight was the short instrumental piece played entirely by hitting three sword-shaped percussion things with metal sticks. One moment it was tribal rhythm; then next it was not far off from hip-hop beats. Astounding.

The Ensemble is touring the UK for most of November. Go see them if you have the chance.

Labels: singing

Monday, October 30, 2006
0 comments

Quick 'n' easy nuking of hard disks

If you ever have a clunky old PC with hardly any RAM and a malware-clogged version of Windows and no suitable Linux distros or Windows install CDs to hand, and very little patience and an urgent need to just get the machine wiped properly so you can get rid of it on Freecycle as soon as possible, I can heartily recommend Darik's Boot and Nuke as a swift and easy way of doing exactly that.

Labels: tech

Saturday, October 28, 2006
0 comments

Types of dad spotted on the beach

Miltary dad
Super sandcastle dad
Sport dad
Fat slob dad
Strange-shorts dad
Trolley dad
Adult-size spade dad
New, nervous dad
Grandad

Labels: writing

Friday, October 20, 2006
0 comments

Overcoming word block

Things to try when the words stop flowing...

Look around. How’s the lighting in the room? Make it brighter, dimmer.
Dig something in the garden for 40 minutes. Get your fingers filthy. Think about soil, worms, seeds.
Have a shower.
Delete the last few paragraphs. Re-write them from memory.
Start writing a different section/chapter/page.
Leave these words for at least 12 hours; focus on something else instead. Return to the troublesome words with a fresh brain.
Go running, swimming. Then have a shower.
Go out and relax with friends.
Make your favourite drink or snack but do not consume it while working; go and sit outside for a few minutes. Challenge yourself to identify trees, listen for birdsong, look at ants and study their movements. When your drink is finished, return to your work.
Keep a ‘rants’ file somewhere on your computer, or get an anonymous “rants blog” somewhere; if something’s eating you up, go vent some bile there.
If you have a portable computer, or can write on paper, move to a new location. Ideally, walk there.
Draw a sketch of what you want to write.
Find somewhere quiet with no distractions. Meditate on the work. Actually think about the task; don’t take notes, don’t use computers or whiteboards or flipcharts or any other tools. Break your task into tiny pieces, mentally. Look for some degree of clarity. Having reached it, remember it, then stop. You’ll only be able to remember one thing at a time.

Labels: writing

Thursday, October 19, 2006
0 comments

Eggs on bed

There was a storm late on the Saturday night, one of those endless storms that floats low over the town and broods for hours. The thunder woke everyone up, including Barney.

Most of us managed to get back to sleep again, but he couldn’t. He was wide awake and hungry and just wanted to get on with the day, even though it was still the early hours.

He came into our room several times:

“Can I have some breakfast now?”

We sleepily muttered that it was far too early, and that he should go back to bed.

After a few attempts at persuading us an early breakfast was a good idea, Barney must have decided that if the parents were too sleepy or too grumpy to provide it, he might as well go and get breakfast by himself.

So he quietly padded downstairs. Mummy and Daddy snoozed on, oblivious.

Barney knows his way around the kitchen very well now, so he did the sensible thing and aimed for the fridge. This meant dragging a stool across the room to stand on, and balancing precariously on it while opening the fridge door.

Having opened it and got himself positioned, he gazed inside. Hmmm … what to eat?

Ah! Eggs!

Impressively for a four-year-old, he somehow managed to extract the egg box, open it, remove two eggs without breaking them, put them down somewhere, close the box, put it back in the fridge, and shut the door.

Now armed with his eggs, he faced a problem. He doesn’t know how to make eggs into breakfast. Thankfully, he didn’t try operating the cooker, but instead wandered back up to his bedroom.

What to do with two eggs?

Put them in the bed of course!

Now what?

Hmmm.

Fancy a bit of jumping.

Boing. Boing boing boing.

A little while later, Kate woke up enough to wander into B’s room and ask him if he wanted to go downstairs for breakfast with her.

“Yes please,” he said.

Kate spied something suspicious.

“What’s that wet patch on your bed?”

Barney looked at her as though she was an idiot.

“The eggs,” he explained.

And there they were, mashed into a shelly, eggy, soggy mess all over the duvet and the sheets.

Labels: family, life, writing

Wednesday, October 18, 2006
0 comments

Things I have learned from my most recent work project

Natural gas is almost entirely methane
Gas reserves tend to be deeper than oil reserves
Conference calls are almost always a waste of everyone’s time (actually, I knew this already but the knowledge was re-inforced)
One good point, made succinctly, can make a difference
Oil wells can now be dug horizontally if need be
The traditional Hollywood depiction of a successful find, with oil spurting hundreds of feet into the air, would actually be a disaster for an oil company
Google can convert cubic metres into barrels of oil

Yes, I have been writing copy about the oil business.

Labels: work

Tuesday, October 17, 2006
0 comments

The changing face of Chumbawamba

I gave myself a night off from seemingly endless work, and went to see Chumbawamba at the WMC this evening with my new friends Lorraine and Mark. What an experience.

See, the last time I saw Chumbawamba was roughly when the Anarchy album came out - 1994 or thereabouts. It was a jumpy-up-and-downy, sweaty giggy affair. It was fun. It was a gig.

Now I'm an old geezer and I live in a posh town, and the Chumbas are mellowing in their middle age too, and they do concerts these days. At the WMC, there's even an interval. With ice cream.

They played "Homophobia" from Anarchy, which made me smile because it was so nice to hear something I knew inside-out. But I was singing along to all the other stuff, all the newer (and older) stuff I'd never heard before, because it's all so incredibly tuneful and catchy.

Chumbawamba are fantastic musicians, superb singers, and great fun to watch. The harmonies make your body hair stand on end. This was the best gig I've been to in years.

Labels: music

Wednesday, October 11, 2006
0 comments

Archives