A recording studio, filled with computers and keyboards. The Cocteau Twins are gathered by the mixing desk, deep in discussion...
ROBIN: Right, we need to decide which songs we're going to put on our best-of album. Anyone got any ideas?
ELIZABETH: Fotzepolitic, I think.
ELIZABETH: You know, it goes “See-en soo-bon sme bachtooyoo” in the chorus.
ROBIN: Ah, right. That one. Me and Simon call it “Jangle 3”.
ELIZABETH (Annoyed): Fine. That’s one track. What else?
SIMON: I -
ROBIN: How about that floaty hippy one?
ROBIN: You know, it’s all sort of dreamy. Bit slow. Jangly.
SIMON: Is it -
ELIZABETH: Is it Oomingmak?
ELIZABETH: You know, off Victorialand?
ROBIN: Nah, not that floaty.
ELIZABETH: From The Flagstones?
ELIZABETH: Come on, From The bloody Flagstones? It goes “Sumtymes eye seeeioo ahhn tho flaaahagstohnes”. Bloody obvious, that one.
ROBIN: No, not that one. It’s the one where the chorus bit goes “Ooh la la”.
ROBIN: You know. “Ooh la la”.
ELIZABETH: Oh, hang on – you mean Calfskin Smack?
ROBIN: Dunno. Do I?
ELIZABETH: It goes “Ooooooooooh lalalalala, ooooooooooooh lalalalala”
ROBIN (Beaming): Yeah that’s it.
ELIZABETH: OK, so we’ll do that second. Shall we plan a third one while we’re at it?
SIMON: Well -
ROBIN: Yeah why not.
ELIZABETH: Any suggestions?
ROBIN: What do you think, Simon? Jangly 12? Jangly-Poppy 4?
SIMON: Jang -
ROBIN: I quite like the idea of doing Jangly Atmospheric 8 myself.
ROBIN: It’s the one where the drums come in towards the end.
ROBIN: You sing it, Si.
SIMON: It goes -
ELIZABETH: Oh wait, is it Blue Bell Knoll?
ROBIN (Shrugging): Not sure.
ELIZABETH: The one that starts with some jangly sounds, and me going: “Issss ish nacch no-long no-lorrrr, for-borrrr, ah-laah naowt, ah-laahsu-uuung nah boloh bo.”
ROBIN: Wavey sounds in the background? Drums at the end?
ROBIN: That’s Blue Bell Knoll?
ROBIN: Oh. Right. Cool.
Filed under: music and satire
(23rd January 2007)