The Wedding Present stop for a tea break
All the songs sound the same

Tea. Hot pies.

(The scene: a recording studio. Members of seminal 80s/90s indie rock band The Wedding Present gather around the drum kit for a cup of tea.)

DAVID GEDGE (sipping tea): Ahh. Lovely.

CHARLES: Yeah, lovely.

DAVID: I should write a song about cups of tea.

PATRICK: Yeah. Good idea Dave.

DAVID: A song about tea.

KATHARINE: Everyone likes tea. Everyone would go for a song about tea.

DAVID: It would have to have a twist, mind you.

(The others exchange looks.)

DAVID: I mean, you couldn't have a song that's JUST about tea.

CHARLES: I don't see why not.

DAVID: Well, because tea's great and all that. But people don't just sit around drinking tea.

(The others exchange looks at themselves, sitting around drinking tea.)

DAVID: People - you know - people TALK while they're drinking tea.

KATHARINE: Well. I suppose so. But-

DAVID (standing up): People talk about all sorts of things while they're drinking their tea. They talk about-

PATRICK: Easy, David-

DAVID (raising his voice a little): -food, and alcohol, and lust-

CHARLES (putting a hand on David's arm): David, perhaps you should calm-

DAVID (getting louder): -and DEATH, and DISEASE, and PAIN, and NIGHTMARES-


DAVID (eyes bulging, face red): -and BREAKING UP WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND!

(A moment of silence. The others exchange looks.)

DAVID: 'Cos that's what happens, isn't it? Eh? People drink tea when they've BROKEN UP WITH THEIR GIRLFRIEND. And they hate it and they go and see their friends and they tell them everything that's happened and they call her up the next day and she doesn't answer and, oh, I never really liked that dress anyway, and OH GOD WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME? WHYYYYYYYYY?

(David breaks down, sobbing.)

(The others exchange looks.)

CHARLES: Why don't we-

DAVID (sudden burst of energy, striding over to the microphone, picking up his guitar): NO! I've got a great idea for a song! Back to work you buggers. Tea break's over!

See also:
Breakfast with the White Stripes
The xx go for a pizza
In the studio with the Cocteau Twins
How ELO wrote 'The Diary of Horace Wimp'

Filed under: music and satire
(28th May 2014)